all my life i've been tellin people not to even think about being suicidal......................but im startin to be suicidal

today........i accidentally hurt sum one............i had no intention of doin it.................i thought it woould be funny..............but it ended up really hurtin her..........den i started thinking.............dat would never happen if i didnt exist.............................

life seems so pointless................all my friends r changing and barely noticing me...................and i even relized................im changing...............there is no point.......................

but actually there is one thing.................well not a thing but sumone................if there is no us.....................i dont know..............there is no me...................................

lately this week has been rough on me.  not because of mid-terms but because of friends.  ive just been put with hella strees over dis one friend that i feel is getting away from me.  in other words my friend isnt as tite wit me as we used to be. back wen i was a seventh grader i met this one hela cool chick that would always listen to wat i have to say and i would do the same.  we used to be hella kool talk to each other on the phone, go out shopping, and my friend used to always talk to me wen i was left out and introduce me to her friends.  we used to be really close.  i even started liking my friend.  but then the last day as me being a seventh grader came and that came with some liabilities. 

me becoming a eight grader meant my friend was going on to high skool and that meant we wouldnt see each other in one whole year. at least at skool.  so then me and my friend started talking on the phone as soon as we got the chance.  but as time passed those calls became shorter and less frequent.  we started losing hold of each other.  but i couldnt wait till high skool to finally be wit my friend.  but unfortunately an obstacles was put in the way.  a different high skool.  it started out ok but then i started to realize i was missin sumthin.  my friend.

so i transfered and everyone i knew welcomed me but i didnt really care i wanted to see my friend.  so i talked with kevin and he told me my friend was at A&W. so i went there with him and i saw my friend and my friend saw me and she came runnin to give me a hug.  i missed that feeling.  her touch against me and i was glad i came to that skool.

So weeks passed and me and my friend just see each other at skool and say hi. and for sum reason it doesnt feel rite. i saw wat she did at skool and who she kicked it wit and it doesnt look the same except for sum exceptions. so i typed the situation in mai xanga and my friend read it.  my friend responded to it in a comment. it said she would dedicate a whole day to me. if u want to read about it read my last entry.

well fast forward to rite now.  two days have gone by and the situation hasnt become better.  i just dont know anymore. it doesnt feel like were friends.  i would love to call that person a friend but if i do i know im just lying to myself. i just wish times would be how they were.  we would be so close.  but now my "friend" is close wit her other friends.  which i think is good.  u should be close wit the friends u r more close to and you see and talk to the most.  i just wish i was one of them. sure well say hi and by but in my heart i have no feeling. 

"You never know what you have until you lose it."

                                                                     -sumone

Today was supposed to be the big day but instead it ended up a waste and a disappointment.  let me take u back to earlier today.......

It started good.....came out of fourth and couldn't wait till i got to talk to her.  And as i waited there i saw her. She was lookin beautiful and she said let's walk.  So we went walkin to the trees so that she could go tell her boyfriend where she was goin and to say hi to her friends.  so she said her hi and bye and we were off. so we went into the c buildin and we sat on da floor. the talking began and it was going good. sum how we got into the subject of phones and the talking became hella kool. but then suddenly a rush of her friends came over and jus started to talk to her and around us and it became hella loud. from then i stayed quiet not wanting to interrupt her conversation with her friends. and one time i had to lie to her and say i wasnt mad. and suddenly lunch was over and i walked her to class. after then i did everythin at skool with no emotion.  i really wanted to talk to her one on one and tell her wat was on my mind and especially in a quiet place.

Well that goes to say:

"Life really isnt the way it turns out to be."

                                                         -sumone

So this past week was gay!  I got hella homework and i got to finish all of it before the end of the semester.  Wow it hella sucks to go on a vacation.  Well anyways aside from the homework skool is ok.  Right now im talkin with SOMEONE and hopefully good things come out of it.  Anyways I know i said this site was dead but that was fake.  I wanted to make a new site but im hella lazy.  But anyways while i was at the P.I. i came up wit sum new vocab. and here it goes.

Hotness-n. 1.A person of the opposite sex that looks attractive to the spectator.

Hotnessicity-n 1.A person of the oppisote sex that looks attractive and has a personality to the spectator's liking.

Well thats about all my new vocab 4 now but ill fill you in with more later. 

DEEP THOUGHT:

Well eversince i came back from the P.I. i started to think about how i've changed.  If your one of them people hella close to me you should know wat i mean.  Lately ive been hella lazy in class, dress different, spent time with different people, and other stuff.  I dont know maybe its just me?  anyways with a new year i hope i can go back to my oldself and people can stay friends with the old me.  not a person that changed wit the times. 

Well i got to go get ready for the mall and watch the kings lose to the hawks so later.

"You can never judge a book by it's cover"

                                                    -?someone?  

Just a little somethin ima add after every entry